Maybe I should start by telling you why she wanted to know about me. It's because of where I live mostly. Not too many people know this but I live in a sort of planned community for single mothers who have had to go through some of the harder experiences in life. It is classified by the federal guidelines as a Women's Shelter but that does not mean it is limited to women who were in abusive relationships. We have former addicts, homeless individuals, immigrants, AND some women who have fled violence. It's not your ordinary program though. They don't wait til you are in the gutter like most programs and simply come through harvesting lost souls or the severely down trodden. This one actually will catch you in mid-fall and will help you keep from hitting rock bottom.
This is where I was when they caught me. I was 7 months pregnant with my son, my daughter was 2, my husband was over his head with a drug addiction and had disappeared a month prior, I was living someplace that did not want me there, I was emotionally broken, I was financially decimated, I was scared, alone, and (heaven forbid) I had a job. By all other "help" program guidelines I was not admissible. That one little thread of hope for keeping my head above water was my job and I was being told by all the sources, that in order to get anyone to help me I would have to cut that string.
My only other option was to tuck my tail and move home to lick my wounds until they healed. But that would also mean I would have to cut the string. My job was the only thing I had going for me!! It was the one thing I had done right and it was the only thing that was giving me any chance of making it through the hell that I had made of my life. So for me that was just not an option but it was quickly growing to be my only options. That is, until I found the Family Support Center of Utah. Within their many programs they had a place called the Lifestart Village and it was my gift from God. It was my singular reward for finally waking up and realizing my life was on fire and I didn't have a hose.
The Lifestart Village is not a single room in an over crowded former frat house, it is not a couple of cots pushed together in a converted warehouse and it is not a run down government housing project that has more things on the "fix-it" list than on the "works just fine" list. It is a collection of townhouses and 2 dorm-like apartment complexes that are new, clean and only have ONE woman and her children in each multi-bedroom dwelling. And it is devoted to single mothers and their children. This place IS the angel's wings that grabbed me mid-fall and stopped my descent into self destruction and it has been my shield against the world for 4 years come this October.
The day I moved in here my Life did indeed START so I'd have to say it was appropriately named.
The organization that runs the place is gearing up to go into, what is known by the non-profit world as the "Giving Season." It's that time when the world starts becoming socially aware of those who are living under harsh circumstances and who may not know that life can actually be fun! Like most non profits they want to show their past donors and potential future donors what they can do to bring about real and significant change to the lives of others. Apparently, this year, the staff here at the village think I was a good example of "You've come a long way baby!" so they asked me to open up and share all the gory details of my past (EEKS!).
How many of us would be so excited to have their lives cut apart and so microscopically scrutinized by strangers? I'm thinking I wouldn't see very many voluntarily raised hands in that crowd! But you can bet you will see mine. Not because I am a braggart, not because I feel I have achieved perfection and certainly not because I enjoy being put at the center of the spotlight (DOUBLE EEKS!). I happily raised my hand because I believe in this community and what they can do to help a woman change her path and I am a strong supporter of their cause. Especially because their main goal is to help me provide and care for the 6 year old budding Crayon Artist and the 3 year old master Lego Castle builder that are peacefully asleep in their beds just two doors down the hall.
That's right.. this may be a women's shelter but it is a women's shelter for single MOTHERS. And 100% of the focus is put on that fact. They have latched onto a key fact in the destructive cycle of poverty, homelessness and abuse and that is that we are raising our future generation and we are MESSING IT UP!!!
Over the last 3 years I have been on the receiving end of parenting lessons, budgeting lessons, emotional lessons, self sufficiency lessons, unlimited access to counselors, clean safe and affordable housing, parenting mentors, quality childcare, supportive community leaders and countless soft shoulders to rest my weary head on and for this I am beyond grateful I am CHANGED! I am stronger, I am focused and I have figured out how to prioritize my life, I have been shown how to make better choices and I am healing. By no means can I say I have become whole again but I do know what it looks like and when I close my eyes and envision my future I now can see beyond tomorrow. My horizon is no longer hidden behind the ugly black clouds of my past.
For this reason, I am more than willing to raise my hand and let complete strangers hold me in judgement for what I allowed myself to become and, hopefully, to also see where I am now and to also picture where I am going with my future. Yes, I can do this because I know that the funding that they can provide will allow a few more bruised and wounded women to be snatched out of the sky as they fall so that they may be given the same opportunities as me!
